As a licensed mental health counselor and, first and foremost, as an evolving human being, I’ve seen firsthand the toll it takes when we set ourselves on fire to keep those around us warm. This is a common scenario, especially among empaths, who often find themselves burning out and eventually resenting the people who benefited from their warmth.

The Root of Self-Abandonment

Why do we do this? Many of us have normalized the act of abandoning ourselves to make others happy. This behavior often stems from an adaptive strategy of the inner child. In its quest for safety, the inner child believes that ensuring everyone else is okay (warm) is the key to feeling secure. Consequently, the solution seems to be to light ourselves on fire.

I’ve been there. I’ve tried to help those in my inner circle by giving them money, paying for things, and solving their problems. Ultimately, I felt depleted, burdened by the guilt of being the "successful one" who has more when others have less. Even when I had less, I'd risk my well-being to lend my resources for the benefit of someone else. 

Whenever someone is in need—whether it's time, a resource, a favor, or anything—it's like bait on the end of a hook, triggering my need to rescue. The moment I sense distress, I feel the tug, and my inner hero leaps into action, ready to save the day. But this heroic impulse, though well-intentioned, often leaves me trapped, caught in a cycle of self-sacrifice. It's a trap that pulls me away from my own needs, a siren call that I must learn to resist to protect my energy and well-being. 

The Breakthrough: Understanding and Awareness

The breakthrough for me came when I realized why I was doing this. I was trying to "fix" my loved ones, inadvertently projecting victim consciousness onto them. By being the rescuer, I was implying that they couldn’t do it themselves and that something was wrong with them. This strategy wasn’t helping them but rather enabling them, and it wasn’t meeting my needs either. I felt drained and taken advantage of.

Awareness is a powerful tool because it allows us to make new choices. Connecting with the inner child can be a game-changer in this process. Our subconscious holds an inner child that may be stuck in the past. Seeing, hearing, soothing, and nurturing this inner child can be the key to freedom and self-actualization, leading to what is called individuation.

A New Approach: Vibe Higher

Let this be your sign to stop setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. It’s not your responsibility to fix others. By not abandoning yourself, your energy becomes higher and more contagious. You then help others simply by being you and emanating your high vibes.

Beyond the Matter Counseling and Consulting offers personal and professional development opportunities designed to help you understand and embrace this journey. By prioritizing your own mental wellness and personal growth, you can become a beacon of high vibes and genuine support for those around you.

Remember, you’re expanding into a higher version of yourself. It’s time to vibe higher and nurture your inner child for a more fulfilled and balanced life.

Love and light, 

Maria

#VibeHigher #BeyondTheMatter